Uncoupling: The face of a new family

When we get married, we have many hopes and expectations. Some we are aware of, like always having a friend or looking forward to raising children. Some are not so obvious, like a desire for security and life-long romance.

When we get to the point in our marriages where it is no longer working, it is often because those dreams have been dashed. We are faced with a reality we didn’t expect, and with it comes many real and valid emotions: fear, sadness, anger.

From hurt to hope

It’s easy to let the negative feelings take over. Generally, all these feelings can be boiled down to one root cause: hurt. You’ve been hurt and you have hurt each other. And probably not intentionally. It all arises from unmet needs and expectations–ones that perhaps you could never supply in the first place. Once we realize that, we can forgive and move toward a new future.

It’s easier said than done, of course. It takes much effort and time. One thing that can help that healing, however, is a divorce that respects the marriage that you had, a divorce that recognizes that you are still a family, even if you are not still a couple.

How can collaborative divorce help?

Collaborative divorce gives you the opportunity to clearly identify your goals for you new life: Does split custody work? Is a visitation schedule best? Maybe dad has Tuesdays so he can coach baseball, or weekends work best for mom because she travels during the week. In collaborative divorce, you have the freedom to choose whatever situation works for your family.

There is a great deal of dignity that comes with collaborative divorce—there is no mud-slinging or courtroom drama. Because of that, the cost is usually much less expensive, leaving both spouses on a more solid financial footing than they might otherwise be.

In addition, it is a healthy alternative for your children. Although the family structure they knew is changing, showing them you are committed to their future and making it as stress free as possible will help their adjustment as well.